Toxic Behaviours in the workplace: Gaslighting, Microaggression, and Passive Aggression
Toxic Behaviours in the Workplace – Gaslighting, microaggression and passive aggression
Recognising toxic behaviours in the workplace and coping mechanisms are important to build healthy relationships – at work and at home.
This is for you if you – or someone you know – wonders whether you’re going a bit crazy or feel like you have to walk on eggshells around certain people.
Gaslighting, microaggressions and passive aggression
These behaviours are toxic tactics and forms of communication that can be harmful and have negative consequences – at home and at work.
Microagressive Behaviour
“Microaggressions” are brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities. They’re intentional and/or unintentional. They communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults to the target person or group.
They often stem from unconscious biases and can have a cumulative negative impact on the well-being of those who experience them. I’ve talked about unconscious cognitive biases quite a bit lately, so check out episodes 114-117 (see below for direct links).
Microaggressions are subtle, everyday remarks, actions, or attitudes that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative slights and insults to people based on their membership in a marginalised group.
They can have a significant impact on the recipient’s mental health, job satisfaction, and overall well-being.
Microaggression term coined in 1970s
The term “microaggression” was first coined by psychiatrist and psychologist Dr Chester M. Pierce in the 1970s.
In a seminal article published in the journal “Educational Resources Information Center,” Dr Pierce defined microaggressions as “brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioural, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial, gender, sexual orientation, and religious slights and insults to the target person or group.”
Since then, the concept of microaggression has been widely studied and discussed within the fields of psychology and sociology. Researchers have documented the widespread impact that microaggressions can have on individuals and communities, particularly members of marginalized groups who experience them every day.
Dr Derald Wing Sue – research
One notable example of the impact of microaggressions was a study conducted by psychologist Dr Derald Wing Sue (Professor of Counselling Psychology at Colombia) and his colleagues, published in the “Journal of Counselling Psychology“.
The study found that microaggressions can cause emotional distress, increased stress levels, and decreased academic performance in individuals who experience them.
Takes many forms
It’s important to note that microaggressions can take many different forms, ranging from seemingly innocent comments or actions, to more overt expressions of prejudice and discrimination.
Some common examples of microaggressions include making assumptions about a person’s abilities based on their race or gender, using stereotypical language or slurs, and making assumptions about a person’s cultural background or experiences.
In recent years, the concept of microaggression has gained increased attention and recognition, particularly in discussions about diversity, equity, and inclusion, which I’ve been talking about recently.
Because microaggressions can be unintentional, and often go unnoticed by the person committing them, it doesn’t mean they’re any less hurtful or harmful for the person on the receiving end.
For example, a well-intentioned statement like “you’re so articulate for a [blah blah blah] person” could be experienced as microaggression because it implies that blah blah blah people aren’t usually articulate.
Which is a stereotype. And stereotyping implies prejudice … which then leads to cognitive and unconscious biases.
10 Examples of Microaggressive behaviours / statements
Microagressive behaviours can take the form of remarks, jokes, or gestures that are harmful, but often go unnoticed by the person committing them.
For example:
- Making assumptions about a person’s cultural background based on their appearance.
- Using stereotypes to describe a person’s behaviour or abilities (eg, “don’t feel bad if you don’t understand tech because you’re a Baby Boomer”).
- Telling someone they are “too sensitive” when they express being hurt by a comment.
- Asking a person of colour where they are from, as if their nationality is the most interesting thing about them.
- Refusing to use a person’s personal pronouns – I talked about this a couple of episodes ago.
- Assuming a woman’s not competent because she’s young or attractive. The flip of that is assuming a man who’s built like a body builder isn’t competent because he’s all brawn and no brain.
- Belittling a person’s accomplishments by attributing them to luck or affirmative action.
- Failing to acknowledge the contributions of a person of a nationality, size, gender, religion, sexual orientation or any other label possible, in a group setting.
- Telling an LGBTQ+ person that their sexual orientation or gender identity is just a phase.
- Assuming someone with a disability can’t perform a task without assistance.
5 steps to take to deal with microaggression
If you’ve seen this type of behaviour at your clinic, or you’re the recipient of it, here are five ways you can start dealing with it:
#1 Speak up and assertively address the behaviour
The thing with bullies is they hate being stood up to and/or called out on their behaviour.
Therefore, one of the most effective ways to deal with microaggressions is to directly address the behaviour as soon as it occurs.
As scary as it will feel, the best way is to do it is in a calm, assertive, and professional manner. It’s important to communicate your feelings and explain why the behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable.
If you’re unsure how to do this, use this fill-in-the-gaps framework:
When I (see, notice, hear) ___________ I feel (or get or it’s) ______________ because ___________
This is different to the “when you, I feel, because” framework you might’ve heard before in that it takes the accusation away from the perpetrator – you’re not outright accusing them of anything, you’re saying how it is for you – which is far more powerful.
#2 – Keep a record of the incidents
If it’s too scary to speak up in the moment – for whatever reason – maybe it’s not possible because you’ll end up being shot down – then start keeping a record of the microaggressive behaviours. This can serve as documentation of the behaviour. A diary of events is useful if the situation escalates and requires intervention from HR or management.
#3 – Seek support from colleagues, friends or a support group
Dealing with microaggressions can be isolating, so it’s essential to seek support from your colleagues, friends, or another support group. If you feel like you don’t have anyone who’ll understand, then in NZ you can dial or text 1737. It’s a 24/7 support line – voice or text.
Talking to others who’ve experienced similar situations can provide a sense of validation and help you feel less alone.
#4 – Seek help from your Practice or HR Manager
If you’ve called the perpetrator out and they’re still continuing it might be necessary to seek help from your Practice or HR Manager.
Hopefully, your clinic has policies and procedures for such events. It’s important you report the behaviour and incidents so that it’s taken seriously and addressed appropriately.
Who knows, you might not be the only one experiencing the behaviour – your speaking up could save someone who doesn’t have your level of courage or who’s maybe, just maybe, not being taken seriously.
There’s strength in numbers.
#5 – Take care of yourself
As well as some or all of the other four actions, it’s critical you prioritise self-care and address the impact the microaggressive behaviour is having on your mental health.
This can include practicing mindfulness, engaging in self-care activities, or seeking counselling or therapy.
Remember – to thine own self be true – look after yourself first. Apart from the fact it’s important we all look after ourselves, if you’re a parent and your mental health is being compromised at work, then your family is missing out on the best you. Similarly, those you’re in relationships with – romantic and friendship – it means you’re depriving them of the best experience of you.
Passive Aggression / Passive Aggressive behaviour
This refers to behaviour that’s indirectly aggressive rather than directly or openly confrontational. It’s a way of expressing anger or frustration in an indirect manner. For example, through procrastination, forgetfulness, or intentional inefficiency.
Passive aggressive behaviour is a way of indirectly communicating negative feelings without openly expressing them. It’s a mental and psychological form of aggression rather than physical. However, it’s just as damaging as overt and physical aggression.
This behaviour can be hurtful and damaging to others and can also contribute to a hostile work or social environment. Again, it’s another form of bullying.
It can take the form of subtle snubs, procrastination, or making excuses.
For example, a colleague who says they’ll complete a task but has no intention of following through can be seen as passive aggressive (or they can just be incompetent).
It’s important to note that perpetrators of microaggression, gaslighting and passive aggression, usually use many forms of their bullying behaviour to get their message across.
Any one of the behaviours I mention in this episode in isolation does not a bully define!
10 examples of passive aggressive behaviour
- Organise meetings that preclude part timers on your team from participating
- Making sarcastic comments about someone’s work in front of others.
- Complimenting someone insincerely to make them feel bad.
- Deliberately being vague or unresponsive to someone’s requests.
- Using humour to hide hostile feelings or intentions.
- Giving someone the silent treatment instead of addressing a conflict directly.
- Withholding information or resources that someone needs to do their job; or only giving them partial information, or giving them info that sends them in the wrong direction for more where they end up being ridiculed, or “fail” because they missed a deadline or something worse – a patient was severely compromised.
- Making critical or negative comments disguised as a joke.
- Blaming others for your own mistakes or shortcomings.
Those are all ways that passive aggressive behaviour can play out in your clinic.
passive aggressive behaviour often deliberate
Unlike microaggressions, passive aggressive behaviour is often deliberate and motivated by a desire to express bullying, frustration or anger indirectly.
It’s important to recognise microaggressions, passive aggressive behaviour and gaslighting in your vet clinic, as they all have negative impacts on clinic culture and employee morale.
Harms productivity
Passive aggressive behaviour damages clinic relationships and negatively impacts productivity.
How? Because it creates hostile clinic environments and fosters resentment among colleagues.
Gaslighting Behaviour / Actions
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in someone else, or in members of a targeted group.
Gaslighting makes them question their own memory, perception, or sanity.
The goal of gaslighting is to gain power and control over the individual or group and make them dependent on the gaslighter for their understanding of reality.
When used repeatedly and systematically, gaslighting can be considered a form of bullying.
It’s important to note that while these concepts are related, they’re distinct and refer to different types of behaviour.
Microaggressions, passive aggression and gaslighting are all forms of bullying.
Individually and collectively, they can contribute to hostile and unhealthy social and clinic environments.
If these behaviours are left unchecked in the workplace, the recipient (I don’t like using the term ‘victim’) usually ends up leaving. Which is expensive.
Although each is different in terms of the intent. The impact they have on others is still hurtful and damaging.
Psychological manipulation
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, or sanity. In the workplace, gaslighting can take many forms and can have severe consequences on the mental and emotional well-being of the victims.
The term “gaslighter” originated from the 1938 play “Gas Light” (which was also known as “Angel Street” in the US).
The play and later, the films, feature a husband who attempts to drive his wife insane by manipulating small elements of their environment, such as the gas lights in their home, and then denies that these events are taking place when his wife points them out.
“Gaslighting” is used to describe this type of manipulative behaviour, in which a person makes another person question their own memory, perception, or sanity.
The term has since been expanded to describe similar behaviour in a broader sense, not just within romantic relationships.
#MeToo Movement
Since about 2017, gaslighting has gained wider usage, particularly in the wake of the #MeToo movement – which started back in 2006 on MySpace.
Also, with the increasing visibility of psychological abuse in relationships, gaslighting is becoming part of our regular lexicon.
5 Examples of Gaslighting in the workplace
Minimising or denying the impact of their behaviour: A gaslighter in the workplace might play down the impact of their actions or deny that it ever happened.
For example, someone with authority – a lead vet, head nurse, practice manager – might dismiss a vet’s or nurse’s concerns about a microaggression as being “not a big deal” or deny that it even occurred.
This type of gaslighting can make the recipient feel like their experiences and emotions are invalid, which can lead to a loss of confidence.
Blaming the victim: Another common form of gaslighting is when the perpetrator blames the recipient.
The gaslighter might deflect responsibility for their behaviour onto the recipient, suggesting that they’re the ones who’re overreacting or causing problems. This can lead to a sense of confusion and frustration in the recipient, who’s left feeling like they’re at fault.
Creating false narratives: Another example is where the perpetrator creates false narratives to undermine the recipient’s perspective.
For example, they might spread false information about the victim’s performance or behaviour to make them look bad or discredit their claims.
Obviously, this can have severe consequences for the recipient’s reputation and career prospects.
Manipulating information: Another way is when gaslighters manipulate information to cast doubt on the recipient’s perceptions. They might twist the facts or present information out of context to make the recipient question their own memory or understanding of events.
This can lead to feelings of confusion and uncertainty in the recipient.
Isolating the recipient: How about when the gaslighter deliberately isolate the recipient from their colleagues and/or resources to further undermine their perspective and make them more vulnerable to manipulation. This could take the form of excluding the target from meetings or emails, or even discouraging others – or making it impossible for others – to supporting the target or recipient.
This can lead to a sense of alienation and vulnerability in the recipient.
As you can see, being the target of a bully’s gaslighting behaviour can do a real number on your head. Your mental and emotional health will be severely compromised. Targets of gaslighting could experience anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and a loss of trust in others.
To protect yourself and others from gaslighters, it’s important to be aware of the tactics that they use and to have strong support networks in place.
If you suspect that you or someone you know is being gaslit in the workplace, it’s important to speak out and seek support. Start with talking to your Practice or HR manager.
Other Podcast Episodes Mentioned Today
Episode 114 – cognitive and unconscious hiring biases when interviewing
Episode 115 – Cognitive and unconscious hiring biases – part 2
Episode 116 – 12 ways to avoid unconscious interview bias to attract your next dream team member